I'm leaving Ukraine (for the winter at least)

anelson November 10, 2024 #ukraine #kyiv #air raid #hungary

Prince Volodymyr statue in central Kyiv — Prince Volodymyr's statue has watched Ukraine's enemies attack Kyiv for well over 150 years. He was there in 1918 for the German occupation, and clashes between the Ukrainian Nationalist Army, the Red Army, and the imperial remnant White Army. He was there in 1941 when the Nazis took Kyiv, and he was still there in 1943 when the Soviets took back the parts of the city that they had not destroyed outright. He was there in 2014 for the Maidan protests, counter-protests, and violence. He was there in 2022 when Russian forces attempted to invade Kyiv only to be fought back by fierce Ukrainian resistance. He's still there now, and I'm sad to say that he hasn't seen the last of it yet.

It’s a sad day today, as I crossed the border from Ukraine into Hungary, having packed up most of my belongings in Kyiv and either placed them in storage there or had them sent to Hungary. I finally decided that it was time to leave as the tempo of attacks has increased, and I increasingly suffer the effects of sleep disturbance caused by the sound of explosions and air defenses, and the stress of not knowing what the future will hold but being pretty sure it’s going to be worse.

I have posted previously about what daily life is like here, and specifically about how loss of power isn’t really a problem since the blackouts so far are rolling blackouts and my Ecoflow system is enough to power essential devices for lights, computers, and Internet. But winter is another story as there’s heat to think about, plus winter increases load on the already-struggling grid, PLUS Russia seems intent on stepping up the infrastructure attacks this winter. It’s all become too much.

I first moved to Kyiv in 2018, it was here that I started Elastio and hired the initial engineering team, it was here that I bought my apartment, it was here that I lived through the COVID-19 pandemic, it was here that I lived until early February 2022 when I left ahead of the Russian invasion, and it was to here that I returned in August of last year. Many of my friends and colleagues remain here, unable or unwilling to leave.

As I cross the border into a country where I know for sure that any loud noise I hear is definitely not enemy fire, I feel guilty and ashamed. Guilty that I will now live in relative comfort in Budapest with reliable electricity and heat, where it’s been over 30 years since the last civilian was killed by the Russian military. Ashamed that I wasn’t willing to stick it out, especially considering that I lived in the center of Kyiv under a robust air defense umbrella while many Kyivans have it much worse and are not fleeing.

I intend to live here in Budapest at least until spring, then will re-assess based on the situation in Ukraine and also my professional situation. I have nothing against the Hungarian people, but Hungary is definitely not Ukraine, and I don’t have any desire to live here long-term. Soon I will need to decide whether to return to Ukraine, or go back to the US after having lived abroad for 6+ years.

UPDATE 2024-12-01: Unfortunately it looks like this decision was prescient. Since I left, Ukraine’s civilian infrastructure has been under considerably heavier bombardment than most of the rest of 2024. Rolling blackouts are back, and the invincibility points are once again opened around the country. I still have my apartment in Kyiv for now, where my Ecoflow backup infrastructure is located, so I can see when it switches to battery power, which is quite often in the last few days.

Seeing that my concerns were well-founded doesn’t make me feel any less guilty or any less ashamed, but it is some consolation at least that I didn’t bail over imaginary fears.